High Cooking: French Toast

French toast is one of my favorite breakfast foods, and I rarely eat it for breakfast. It’s a great way to use bread that’s starting to get stale, and every kind of bread gives a different flavor and texture. My most recent batches of French toast used some nine-grain bread with various seeds in it, which turned out delicious.

It’s quite easy to make, as well. Here’s everything you need:

  • Eggs
  • Milk
  • Bread
  • Butter
  • Spices if desired

This recipe will make around 4-6 slices of French toast. The cost is minuscule; you could quadruple the recipe and make 24 slices for a total of about $8.25, which is 34 cents each. This works out to roughly 70 cents per 500 calories.

To start, recreate The Threesome that Never Came from one of my previous recipes.


Continue reading

High Cooking: Barbecue Chipotle Chili

IMG_6424This is some damn good chili, according to a coworker.

I spent three days making a rather unique chili for the annual company picnic, since we had a chili cook-off this year. I didn’t win, but I came close. The scoring sheets they used had sections for texture and appearance, which is probably where I fell behind. I tried the winning chili and it was very good, though I prefer the lower salt and higher capsaicin content in mine. Anyway, that’s all subjective and I definitely succeeded in making the delicious chili I envisioned.

I broke the cooking process down into four stages, and I made double my target amount so I could enjoy the rest for myself after failing to win the cook-off. My recipe involves the use of a smoker, but grilled meat would be adequate. Not great, just adequate.

Continue reading

High Cooking: Noodles and Hot Dogs

This is an old family recipe. It is simple, fast, and delicious, plus you can modify it endlessly with your favorite additives.

Substances required:

  • 16 ounces of pasta
  • 6-8 hot dogs
  • Oil or butter
  • Salt and pepper

Cook the pasta. Meanwhile, slice the hot dogs and fry them in a tablespoon of butter or oil until they become so deliciously crispy and fragrant that you start compulsively eating them.


Continue reading

High Cooking: Apple and Pastrami Omelette

Before leaving my house for an extended period of time, such as two weeks for a road trip, I typically go through two phases of food consumption:

  1. I attempt to eat up all the perishable food by mixing ingredients like a drunk college student
  2. I run out of perishable food and buy dinner at the Chevron for a couple days

Currently, I am in phase one. Phase two generally consists of muffins, corn dogs, Hot Pockets, and other unspeakable tragedies, so we will focus instead on the beautiful thing I created today.

Ingrédients (the little hat on the E denotes a haughty French accent)

  • 1 red apple
  • 2 yellow butter
  • 3 white egg
  • 4 pink pastrami
  • 5…additifs multicolores: cheese, garlic, onion, salt, pepper
  • Moo

Melt half of the butter (1 tablespoon) in a skillet. Transform the apple into thin slices using magic, and then bathe them in the sizzling butter until brownness occurs.


Continue reading

High Cooking: Gnocchi and Steamed Cabbage

I’m not very fond of potatoes, unless they’ve been made into something else like fries or gnocchi. The latter is a potato dumpling from Italy that is delicious eaten like pasta or in soup, and it’s one of my favorite ways to consume potatoes. It’s also very easy to make. The steamed cabbage is surprisingly good for how simple it is, and it’s pretty much the only way I eat cabbage.

Here’s what you need for this meal:

  • 3 medium potatoes or 2 large ones
  • 2 cups of flour
  • 1 egg
  • 1 cabbage
  • 2 tablespoons of butter
  • Salt and pepper

I love simple European food.

Continue reading

High Cooking: Pasta with Meat Sauce

One activity I greatly enjoy is cooking. I’ve been inventing my own recipes since I was about six years old, and in my teens I seriously considered becoming a chef. I ultimately decided against it, because cheffing is physically demanding and I like sitting around. That’s one reason I’m a computer programmer and freelance writer. I still cook a lot, though, and I wanted to do something fun with it.

Enter legal marijuana. In 2012, with my help, Washington state voted to legalize recreational marijuana. At the time I didn’t plan to use it myself; I was just a libertarian who thought it was ridiculous that the government would criminalize the use of a plant. But when my tiny town opened the first municipally-owned marijuana store in the country, I tried it. I liked it.

So now I occasionally partake of the devil’s lettuce and then create delicious food while high. During one of my cooking sessions, I had an idea: why not share my recipes, along with useful information such as cost, calorie content, and a bunch of weird jokes?

Continue reading


This food heart shows you how much I love food.

This food heart shows you how much I love food.

I enjoy food very much. I grew up on an ever-changing diet subject to my mother’s latest discovery of a “natural” foods fad, and money was usually stretched–with up to eleven people to feed–so I learned to be creative with the ingredients I had.

Lately I’ve been seeing articles posted on Facebook from two very distinct groups of friends. I have mostly conservative mothers and young adults posting a variety of things about alternative medicine and natural foods. Some are harmless, some are reasonable, some blatantly lie, and a few verge on dangerous.

The other group of friends are skeptics, of all ages, who post articles exposing the bad science and outright lies behind some common fads. Most of those happen to be reports of scientific studies, whereas the first group often gets their data from blogs and bad websites run by the “persecuted” quack doctors or alternative medicine celebrities.

Continue reading