Ever feel bad about all the evil things you do? Well, I’ve got a cure that will make you feel better about yourself after just one heated argument! All you need to do is learn the Righteous Sinner approach.
See, if you’re a typical Christian, you likely believe that Jesus died to forgive your sins, and that you should stop sinning, or at least sin less than you used to (because sinning only once a week is totally more righteous than sinning once a day). But you probably also believe that it’s impossible to stop sinning in this world, and perhaps your self-esteem is painfully low because you know that you do all sorts of bad things.
First, find someone who sins differently from you. Gay people are a popular target because they tend to be nice people. They’re a lot more likely to be murdered than to commit murder, so you can feel safe while making them feel angry and worthless and afraid for their lives. Launch into a judgmental sermon about how evil they are because of their sin.
If they confront you about being rude, get indignant. How dare they accuse you of being rude when you’re just telling them the truth! If they object to your graceless, judgmental tone, explain to them how even though the Bible says many times not to judge other people, it doesn’t actually mean you aren’t supposed to judge people. If they are sharply critical or, horror of horrors, actually insult you, act all pitiful and insist that you’ve never said anything so rude as what they just said.
Make yourself into the victim. Put yourself in the same position that you initially put them in, which turns them into the attacker. It’s a super effective guilt trip because you end up condemning them for condemning you for condemning them and they feel bad that they responded to you in the same hurtful way in which you initially approached them.
Keep insisting that you’ve never been as horrible as they are. Explain that you are friends with other people like them. Obviously if you know one gay person, it’s totally fine to harass others.
If they keep telling you how hypocritical and hateful you are, try another guilt trip. Tell them that you stand before God, and he knows your heart. Tell them that they don’t know you, and have no right to judge you. Make sure the conversation has gone on for a long time before saying this, so they have a better chance of forgetting that you initially claimed judging people is totally fine.
Then, tell them you’re just a sinner like them, and probably even worse than what they’ve called you. The success of this guilt trip also depends on them forgetting that earlier you claimed to be so much better than them because you’ve never been as rude as they are.
It’s likely that after all this, your target will give up and decide to stay away from you forever, and probably become even more distrustful of your religion. Since they likely said a lot of bad things about you, forget that you started the argument and let the memory of their words fester until you actually believe they attacked you for no good reason. Finally, if you want to, develop The Persecution Complex, and you will feel like you did everything right. Everyone just hates you because you know the truth.
Congratulations. You are now able to see yourself as a righteous sinner on a warpath, with plenty of justification for attacking the next evil gay person who happens to cross your path by simply posting a picture on Facebook of two men kissing each other.