An Argument I See Too Often

I'm right, therefore you're wrong!

I’m right, therefore you’re wrong!

Muslim Terrorists: (murder mostly other Muslims and some Christians along the way)

Peaceful Muslims: (get killed, ban support of the extremists in the most Muslim country on earth, write letters to the extremists that are signed by major Islamic leaders from dozens of countries, live their whole lives not doing violent terrorist things)

Conservative Christian: Look at these violent Muslims murdering people for simply being Christian! Where are all the peaceful Muslims? They need to stand up against the violence and make it obvious that they don’t approve, or they should all be suspected of secretly being terrorists. They need to deal with this problem in their religion. The terrorists are representing Islam better than the quiet peaceful Muslims.

Peaceful Muslims: We’re right here, totally not killing you for the past however many years we’ve been alive.

Conservative Christian: But you could be sleeper agents.

Christian Terrorist: (murders dozens of people and calls himself the savior of Christianity)

Conservative Christian: Psh, that freak isn’t actually Christian. You can’t just project the evil actions of one extremist on the whole group he claims to be part of. Now about those Muslims, though…

Peaceful Muslims: Muslim terrorists aren’t following what we believe to be Islam. By your standards of judging who belongs to a religion, they’re as Muslim as your Christian terrorist is Christian.

Conservative Christian: That’s ridiculous. Of course violent Muslims are the true Muslims, look at these random verses from your ancient convoluted book that command violence against nonbelievers.

Non-Conservative Person: Old Testament.

Conservative Christian: But the New Testament!

Non-Conservative Person: The Quran works the same way according to most Muslims.

Conservative Christian: No it doesn’t. My opinion is the right one. Since I’ve read biased articles on the internets, I, a mayonnaise-white American with basically zero exposure to actual Muslims, am more qualified than actual Muslims to say what Islam really is.

Reconstructionist Christian: If you don’t agree with the death penalty for gay people or a bunch of other shit that’s in the Old Testament, you aren’t a true Christian.

Conservative Christian: …you’re all crazy. My way is the only way. I know the absolute truth. Y’all are ignorant idiots who are willfully blind to the truth.

Non-Conservative Person: Wait, don’t you believe that God never changes?

Conservative Christian: Of course. If you don’t believe that then you’re wrong and probably a blaspheming heathen.

Non-Conservative Person: So you worship the same God that commanded violence against nonbelievers?

Conservative Christian: That command wasn’t given directly to me!

Non-Conservative Person: I suppose the command “don’t have gay sex” wasn’t given directly to me, either.

Conservative Christian: …(probably something about how the Non-Conservative Person is twisting scripture)

(I need someone conservative to argue with now. Preferably one who won’t come in spitting angry at how I’ve misrepresented what they believe with a straw-man stereotype…you know, like they’ll inevitably end up doing to Muslims if they happen to be anything like the many conservatives I actually have debated.)


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