The Persecution Complex

Christians practice their right to burn Harry Potter books

Persecuted Christians practice their right to burn Harry Potter books…no word on what the fandom did to them in retaliation, but we assume it was ghastly

Ever wonder if you’re actually right about what you believe? Well I have got a cure for your doubt! Just convince yourself that anyone who disagrees is really out to get you and obliterate everything you stand for and destroy your country via the least realistic method possible. It’s called…the Persecution Complex!

To start with, assume that anyone disagreeing with you is attacking your beliefs. Observe this quote from someone who has it down perfectly:People just HATE hearing the truth. It’s time for those of us with beliefs to really stand up for what we believe in. The people who have no beliefs seem to have the loudest and most obnoxious voices.”

Yes, once you’ve convinced yourself that anyone who disagrees actually has no beliefs, and hates the truth, you are well on your way to developing the Persecution Complex. You have established that you are totally right, and therefore any accusations they bring against you are automatically false.

Next, might as well jump right into claims of actual persecution. If you say it enough times, maybe it will come true. Repeat after me: The traditional Christian family is under a lot of persecution! The traditional Christian family is under a lot of persecution! The traditional Christian family is under a lot of persecution!

Yes, that must be why gay couples are kicked out of churches, prohibited from marrying in most places, can’t adopt children, and are even murdered. That must be why some states prohibit atheists from holding public office, and Christian families are free to live how they please and attend church and preach on the streets without being shot dead. That must be why gay children are abused and abandoned and bullied, until they are significantly more likely to kill themselves, and widespread child abuse is practiced and promoted in the name of Christianity…but that’s a can of worms for a whole different article.

Really, though, just ignore all that. You don’t actually want to know the facts. You want to suppress them, discredit what people say simply because they hold different opinions, judge the validity of your sources by whether or not they promote your side of things. Then you can truly believe that they are spewing pure falsehood at all times, and thus you will be secure in knowing that only you, most enlightened person, know the Absolute Truth.

If you need a jumpstart toward feeling persecuted, try persecuting others. Use harsh slurs, angry words, and hide behind the internet to cut down those evil gay people and liberals. The backlash will be proportional, so the more you persecute them, the more you will be persecuted. Then you can boil with righteous anger at those who would dare to attack the most holy institution of heterosexual marriage in the same way you attacked them.

Push for laws and social changes that would in some way punish people for having any religion other than your own. When they push back for laws against your religion, then you can rant about how your freedoms are being taken away.

You see, developing the Persecution Complex is simple. Just like a small child who hits another, and gets hit back, and runs crying to mommy with a pitiful story about how that other kid was mean. Take no responsibility for the pain your words and actions have caused. Distance yourself from people who might corrupt you with their heathen beliefs, because if you don’t, you might get some perspective, and realize what you’re doing to people.

Focus all your energy on starting a war. A culture war. Where nobody is free to live according to their beliefs, unless those beliefs are the same as yours. We can’t have peaceful diversity! Because for a gay couple to do anything a heterosexual couple would normally do can only result in the absolute devastation of our country.

Might as well go provoke Russia into nuking us. At least that way it’ll be over faster and we won’t have to have these little sarcastic chats anymore.


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